Heart Over Mind
by Nardragon
Summary: There were memories overflowing in Ava's home. Memories that didn't belong to her. Ones she didn't want to keep. It was so much work to clean it all out. To decide what was truly hers. And what never really belonged. Luckily, Ava doesn't have to do it alone.


It was inevitable I'd write something with Sara Lance. The surprising thing is that it took this long to happen. But as much I love Sara, this story is focused on Ava because I have a whole heap of feelings about Ava Sharpe. Multiple heaps actually. This story is only a glimpse into my thoughts on her.

It's set after S3 of Legends and there are some minor references to recent events in Arrow.

* * *

Ava's shoulders dropped their tension just slightly when she opened the door to her apartment and she saw who was standing on the other side, "…Sara…"

"Hey," Sara said. She smiled. It was small, but it warm. Making her eyes crinkle at the edges.

Making Ava's stomach turn in a way that wasn't entirely unpleasant.

"Hey," In a traitorous act Ava's own lips turned up in a smile she couldn't help, "What are you doing here?"

"Gary called me,"

"Oh," Ava's exhaled slowly through her nose.

"He said you took a sick day,"

Ava gave a small shrug, "I have a lot saved up,"

"He also said you never take sick days,"

Gary was too concerned for his own good sometimes. Ava couldn't blame him though. Ever since their trip to 2213 he'd been worried about her. He didn't remember anything from the trip but he did remember Ava going AWOL for three days. From his perspective, she'd come back without an explanation and with a haunted look in her eyes.

Gary had nudged her gently, if a bit annoyingly, to open up. She couldn't tell him about the clones, so she used the end of her relationship with Sara as an excuse. He was distraught at the news they'd broken up.

And then he'd been head over heels with excitement that she told him she was going to collect some allies before going to Salvation to respond to the Legend's distress signal. He'd offered to join the mission, but she needed someone to stay and cover her duties in the office. She might have also been worried about him risking his life with the rest of them. He may have his bothersome qualities, but he was competent at his job. Mostly. And she had to admit that she considered him a friend.

"He looked panicked on the call," Sara continued, "He's convinced that only diseases of plague level could have put you out of commission. He's scared you might have gotten smallpox when you went to 1534 Yemen for a mission,"

Ava shook her head, "I'm perfectly healthy, I can assure you,"

"Are you telling me that Ava Sharpe is playing hooky?" Sara arched a brow, a smirk playing on the edges of her lips.

Ava felt her cheeks burn "It's not hooky if you officially apply for the day," she cleared her throat, "and, well, I figured one day off couldn't hurt. There were some things I needed to do,"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm a little disappointed you're not actually sick,"

"Oh, how could I ever take that the wrong way," Ava said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm happy you're fine. But I got you sick day food," Sara held up a bag in her hands.

Ava felt her heart melt at the sentiment. "You did?"

"Well yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

A mess of possible answers to that question tumbled through Ava's mind over the next few moments. _Because we haven't talked about what we are right now. Because there are better things you could be doing with your time than looking after me. Because I don't even know if I can get common illnesses so why would you even bother._

She didn't say any of that. Instead, she just gave a small, "Thank you,"

"Least I can do," There was that smile again. The one that made Ava melt. The one that left her absolutely stunned that it was being aimed in her direction at all.

"Do you… Do you want to come in? The place is a bit of a mess right now, but if you don't mind that…"

"It can't be worse than kitchen after Mick cooks,"

"Mick cooks?" Ava quirked up a questioning eyebrow as she stepped aside to let Sara in.

"Calling it cooking might be a stretch. But he hasn't ended up in the med bay with food poisoning so it's edible,"

Sara stepped into the apartment. A small foyer opened right into the living room. Immediately Sara noticed the garbage bags scattered around the room. There was one just next to the foyer, tied off already. There were another two she could see, but these were open, giving a glimpse of their contents. The first had a vase poking out of the top and the second was slumped over, a stack of picture frames slipping out from the bag.

"Catching up on some late spring cleaning?"

"It's…" Ava stepped up next to her, fidgeting with her hands, "I just... didn't want to look at this stuff anymore. I even spent a few nights sleeping at the Bureau to avoid coming home to all the… memories,"

"Ava…"

"I'm fine," Ava brushed off instantly. She moved to grab the bag with the vase, tying it off.

"What's the story behind the vase?"

Ava tensed for a beat before tugging the knot on the top of the bag even tighter, "My mother- Not my mother, Pam, gave it to me as a housewarming gift. I never liked it, but I kept it because… obvious reasons. But those reasons no longer matter, so I'm finally rid of it,"

Sara didn't respond. Instead, she walked to the other bag, taking up one of the picture frames. Ava watched her silently, not moving. She wasn't sure what Sara was going to do or say. To her surprise, Sara tossed the picture back and scooped all the other picture frames that had slid of the bag back into it.

"Alright, what do you still have to do?"

"What?"

"I'm sure you still have stuff to clean out. Just tell me what to do,"

"Really?"

"Yeah," Sara found the kitchen, which wasn't very hard as it was right next to the living room, and put down the food she brought. She slipped off her jacket as she reentered the room, dropping it on the back of the couch, "How can I help?"

There was that smile again, the one Ava couldn't seem to stop from cropping up when Sara was around.

"You don't have to,"

Sara shrugged once, "I already cleared my day. The team knows not to call me for anything less than a level eight anachronism,"

And, oh. Oh. Sara had cleared her day. For her. That's information she still can't process properly, so she deflects with humour and sarcasm, "You trust your team to handle something above level five without you?"

It makes Sara laugh, "Honestly, without Amaya with us anymore I doubt they could handle a level three without making it worse. But you've got to let the kids deal with shit themselves sometimes, or they'll never learn,"

Ava gives an amused snort. Sara tilts her head to the side in a thoughtful expression. Ava's about to ask what that's about, but Sara beats her to it.

"Did you just admit the Legends can handle level sixes and higher, with me there?"

"I did no such thing," Ava said stiffly. She was trying to channel her best, most serious director voice, but she felt the aesthetic was ruined by the blush she could feel glowing on her cheeks.

"You absolutely did," Sara smirked.

"If you want to help you can grab the rest of the pictures from that wall," Ava said, all too eager to change the topic. Yes, the Legends had proven they could get the job done, but that didn't mean Ava was ready to give them the satisfaction of knowing that.

Sara hummed in reply, that smirk still in place as she headed over to the wall. Ava let a small smile surface on her own lips. There might still a big question mark over exactly what she and Sara were right now, but Sara was here. Sara was here, for her. That meant something. The way Ava felt right now had to mean something too.

"See something you like Miss Sharpe?" Sara's voice stirred Ava out of her mind. Her back was to Ava, but the tone of her voice was more than enough to imagine the teasing grin on her lips at that moment. Blushing, Ava went to do her own thing. She cleaned out her bookshelf, organizing the books into three piles, give away, keep and undecided. Undecided was frustratingly the biggest pile. She was sitting on the floor, a copy of Audre Lorde's _Sister Outsider_ hovering between the keep and undecided piles.

Ava felt arms wrap around her shoulders from behind and the soft press of lips against the curve of her neck. "Are you sure you want to get rid of all these pictures? Some seem recent,"

Ava nodded, "I don't know if it's me in those pictures or it's another clone and I can't bear thinking that every time I look at those pictures. A fresh start is better,"

"Okay," Sara whispered. She pressed another kiss to the base of her neck. Ava pulled away, turning around.

"What's wrong?" Sara asked, sensing the tension.

"You said you love me,"

"Are you still doubting that?" She sat down, facing Ava.

"You don't even know if I'm the Ava you fell in love with,"

Sara's eyes soften. It made Ava's heartache. She so relished that she was the one Sara was looking at like that. At this moment she knew it was meant for her. It was real and happening. It wasn't a memory that might not even belong to her.

"You're the only Ava Sharpe I've ever known. And you're only Ava Sharpe I'll ever want to know,"

"You can't know that for sure. We've known each other for months. At any point it could have been another…"

Sara silenced her by placing her fingers over Ava's lips, "You are the only Ava I've ever known. I'm certain of it,"

"How?"

"For one thing, if something had happened to you, it would have been hard for Rip to intervene while he was in prison or on the run,"

"There was still some time before that,"

"And that's where the second thing comes in," Sara said, with a bit of a dramatic grin growing on her face. "No one else, and I mean no one, not even a clone, could ever be as half as infuriating as you are," She took Ava's hands in hers, holding them together.

Ava half laughed, looking down. "Sometimes I don't want to think anymore. I just keep thinking if my memories aren't real, how do I know if I truly like something or not. How do I know if my thoughts are mine or just something that was programmed in?"

"Hey, you can't let your mind go there. You're still you. Nothing has changed. You're still an amazing woman and you have too many people depending on you to doubt yourself,"

"But I'm not the same. Movies I liked as a kid aren't really my opinion. The foods I don't like aren't really my opinion. Sara, what if I'm not even a lesbian,"

That drew laughter from Sara. Loud and light and instantaneous. The comment was so sudden and unexpected, she couldn't help it. Ava looked at her with a hopeless expression.

"Ava, there is no way you can do the thing you do with your tongue and _not_ be attracted to women,"

Ava's cheeks lit up red, "I'm serious,"

"So am I,"

That only made her blush harder, "Sara, please,"

Sara took a breath to calm herself. She put a hand over her mouth to help stifle the laughter, "Alright," She said, once she quelled herself, "What made you think that?"

"If my memories aren't real… how do I know if anything I feel is real?"

Sara took one of her hands, "Did Rip give you experiences with girls?" She asked and instantly made a face, "That sounded much worse than I intended,"

Ava actually smiled softly, "I know what you meant. Yeah. I have memories being with girls and guys. I even have memory of dating someone who's agender while in college. I guess the 22nd century is less heteronormative,"

"That's something to look forward too," Sara said with a small smile.

"Yeah," Ava agreed, but then she sighed, "Or maybe one of the Ava's who came before me started dating a woman and Rip adjusted the memories after that. I know now my whole coming out wasn't real. If that wasn't real, how can my sexuality be?"

"Well, you might have said it yourself,"

Ava looked at Sara, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"If you have memories of so many different experiences why didn't you think you were bi, or pan, or straight?"

"I…" She trailed off in thought for a long moment, "I just… my experiences with women were better,"

"Were they really better or do you remember them as better?"

"Does it matter when they aren't real?"

"Just because you're memories aren't real, doesn't mean your feelings about them aren't. You never felt a connection to your parents, even though you have memories of a happy childhood, judging from the overwhelming number of pictures there were in your parents' house. Maybe you remember those experiences with women more fondly because that's what you're inclined too,"

Ava didn't respond. She lay down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling with a distant look. "My feelings about my memories..." She repeated in a whisper. She covered her eyes with her arm, taking a deep breath. "I feel like a confused teenager, again," she groaned, "Not again. The first time didn't happen," She reminded herself.

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay," Sara said comfortingly, "Who cares what your sexuality is?

"But what if I'm not... What would that mean for us?" Ava asked, moving her arm to look at Sara.

Sara didn't answer right away. "I guess then I'll just be friends with the director of the Time Bureau,"

"You'd really be okay with that?"

"I'd… I would. Eventually,"

"Sara, what are we doing?"

"Right now? I think we're helping you get through an existential crisis that has you doubting your sexuality,"

"No. I mean us. This. What are we?"

"What do you want us to be?"

"I don't know," She admitted softly.

"I really like you, Ava Sharpe. More than like you. Which you know. I'll be here for you, as much or as little as you want. However you want me,"

"Really?" Ava hated how fragile her voice sounded.

Sara nodded, giving her that warm smile.

"Even if I decide I don't want to be together,"

She took a slow heavy breath, "That would suck," Sara admitted, "But yeah, even if that happens,"

Ava smiled, reaching up to brush the back of her fingers against Sara's cheek, "How could you ever think I was too good for you?"

"Oh, you still are. I've just been trying my hardest to be someone worthy of you," Sara took hold of the hand resting on her cheek, turning her head to press a kiss against Ava's palm. "Is this okay?" She asked after a beat.

Ava nodded. "I missed you," She confessed softly. Never mind just yesterday they'd talked. Never mind just two days before that they'd been together. Ava still missed her.

Sara seemed to understand because she whispered, "I missed you too," She lay down next to her, weaving their fingers together. They stayed like that for a while, Ava to content to move. Sara's thumb brushing over the back of her hand was soft and slow, reminding Ava she was here. The warm silence between them was broken every so often as they caught up with each other's week. For Sara, it was telling a story of how Ray and Wally caused a small explosion in the lab when they tried testing if a speedster could time travel from within the temporal zone.

"Can he?" Ava asked.

"Jury is still out,"

Ava told Sara about Gary misplacing a sigillaria sapling that had turned up in 2021 Whitehorse, Canada.

"Wait, sapling. Like a plant? He lost a plant?"

"I still have no idea how he did it," She said, chuckling, "Thankfully, another agent came across it," She sat up, pushing herself to her feet. Her stomach was starting to remind she hadn't eaten in hours. She headed to the kitchen, opening the bag Sara had brought her.

"How do you lose a plant?" Sara wondered out loud on the floor, still obviously baffled by Gary's slip up.

"Did you bring me a burrito bowl?" Ava asked.

Sara chuckled, sitting up. She could practically hear the frown in Ava's voice.

"Yeah. What's wrong with a burrito bowl?"

"This is sick day food for you?" Ava leaned back, out of the kitchen doorway to give Sara a perplexed look.

Sara responded by raising a mildly challenging brow.

Ava huffed, rolling her eyes, "Of course. Because it couldn't be soup like it would be for any other person," She moved back towards Sara, bowl in hand. She sat on the sofa. Sara pulled herself up into the seat next to her.

With a shrug, Sara plucked a black bean from the bowl and popped it into her mouth,"When Laurel and I would get sick as kids and our parents couldn't find a sitter Mom would take us with her to Starling University. She had a couch in her office that I spent many a sick day sleeping on,"

"Where does the burrito bowl come in?"

"There wasn't any place on campus to get soup, but there was a Mexican place in the building next to where mom had her office,"

Ava smiled at the thought of a young, sniffling Sara curled up in the corner of an office, eating Mexican food.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Concerned pooled deep in Sara's eyes. She reached out, cupping Ava's cheeks.

It was at that moment she realized her cheeks were wet. She reached up, touching the tear tracks, surprised to find them. "Sorry," She murmured.

"Don't be. Are you okay?"

Ava nodded, wiping the tears, even as more came swimming up to the surface.

"You'll have your own stories again," Sara said and Ava laughed, even though it came out more like a sob. Of course, Sara knew what was wrong. Of course, she did.

"You already have your own stories,"

Ava arched a brow.

"You have Gary losing a plant. You have saving Obama from a killer gorilla,"

Ava couldn't help but laugh. This time it sounded more like laughter. She wiped her eyes with the edges of her sleeves.

Sara smiled, continuing, "You have that time you got your ass kicked by a badass former assassin,"

"That was a draw at best," Ava countered instantly.

"Only because I wasn't giving it my all,"

"Like hell you weren't,"

"I was trying to stall you more than anything else,"

Ava rolled her eyes, "Sure,"

"We can go again right now if you want to," Sara smirked, giving Ava a look that had her infuriated and turned on all at once.

"You're impossible,"

"It's part of my charm,"

Ava put down her food and tackled Sara without warning. She managed to pin down her wrists before Sara could fully catch up with what was happening. She stared up at Ava, surprised, impressed and just a bit put off.

"Well, that's not fair,"

"Aren't assassins supposed to be prepared for any attack?" Ava arched a brow in challenge, "And just so you know, that day, I was trying to bring you in without injury,"

Sara hummed at the information. When she spoke next her voice lost the smug and playful tone. "I'd really like to kiss you right now. Can I?"

"You never asked permission before,"

"You hadn't been doing some serious re-self-evaluation before,"

Ava's answer was to lean down, kissing her slowly. It felt so good to just forget to think for a moment and just feel. Feel the warmth and pressure of Sara kissing back. Feel her heart race in her chest. Feel the soft puff of air against her lips when they parted.

"So," Sara breathed, her signature smirk finding its place in her lips, "Does this questioning period come with torrid sexual exploration and experimentation. If it does I can help you out with that,"

"Sara," Ava warned, blushing deep red.

"Well?" She arched her brow and bit her lip.

"I'll keep that offer in mind," Ava said, sitting up. "You know, you never mentioned your mom is a professor before,"

Sara nodded, "She's at Central City University now,"

"What's her field?"

"History,"

Ava did a double take at that, "You're joking,"

"Greek and Medieval history to be precise,"

"Does she know…"

"That her daughter has actually been to some of the events she talks about her in classes?"

"That's one way to put it,"

"No. I can't bare her knowing what I really do. She's already had to bury both her daughters. She went through it twice with me. I can't put her through any more pain than I already have,"

"What does she think you do?"

"She thinks I'm travelling the world, working on and off as a bartender, trying to find myself after coming back from the dead. And really only the bartender part of that is a lie,"

"Do you go see her?"

"Not as often as I should. One good thing that came out of Rip taking the Waverider away from the Legends was I actually visited her on a regular basis," Sara chuckled at a though, "Once I was there during her office hours. One of her students came to ask about Theagenes of Megara and I answered before mom could,"

Ava laughed too.

"Thankfully she bought my 'I had to absorb something from all the mock lectures she used to practice while making dinner' line,"

"She used to give history lectures while making dinner? That sounds amazing,"

Sara laughed, "Of course you would think that. I'm sure that will earn you some brownnosing points if you tell her that. If you really want to make an impression when you meet her, start talking obscure historical facts,"

"When I meet her?" Ava's voice pitched up an octave or two.

Sara paled slightly, "I mean if you want to. Is it too early to talk about meeting my folks?"

Ava managed a weak smile, "It's only fair I meet them. You already met my fake parents,"

"Hey, you made a joke about it. Jokes are progress,"

"Progress, or a really bad coping mechanism,"

"Bad coping is still coping. Either way, it's an improvement," Sara said, smiling. She added, "Is it bad I'm a little grateful your parents were fake. If they weren't I would have made a really bad first impression,"

Ava laughed. She shook her head, "What's bad is they're still getting paid to be my fake parents,"

"Are you serious?" Sara looked at Ava incredulously.

"I haven't gone to confront them. Honestly, I don't really want to see them. I would send an official dismissal of duty from the Bureau, but I don't know where Rip was pulling the funds for their salaries from. It's not like I can tell the Bureau's accountants about it, not without exposing myself," Ava said, with a heavy sigh at the end.

"I might know someone who could help find where the funds are coming from,"

"Yeah right. Giving a random stranger access to the Bureau's systems isn't going raise any red flags,"

Sara smirked, "Trust me, no one will know she was ever in your systems,"

"Are you talking about Zari?"

"No, but now that you mention it she could take a crack at it too. Z's good, but the person I'm thinking about is probably one of the best hackers in the world,"

"How do you know one of the best hackers in the world?"

"She's a friend," Sara said, matter-of-factly. At Ava's questioning gaze she continued, "She works with the Green Arrow,"

"You mean Oliver Queen,"

Both of Sara's eyebrows shot up, "Wait, is Oliver's identity in my file?"

"No. But you were the Canary. Your sister was the Black Canary. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. But what was the whole thing with Thomas Merlyn not being dead? It was all over the news here,"

Sara groaned, "It wasn't Tommy. They didn't even tell me about that plan. Gideon showed me the news and I thought it was a Tommy from another earth, but turns out it was just a political decoy for hire,"

"How weird is your life that you can say the words ' _just_ a political decoy for hire'?" Ava asked with a small smile.

Sara chuckled, "I ask myself a similar question sometimes,"

A silence fell between until Ava spoke again, "I think, I would like to meet her. Your mother, I mean,"

"Yeah?" Sara looked at her, eyes shining.

"Yeah. Not right now, but... soon, maybe?

"She'll love you, I'm sure,"

"If history facts earn her favour I feel confident that I can impress,"

Sara chuckled before taking Ava's hand and kissing the back of her palm, "She'll love you because I already do,"

There she went again. Smiling ridiculously because of Sara. "Sara..."

"Hmm?"

"Thank you, for being here,"

"No thanks needed,"

"Okay, come on. I still haven't gotten to my music library. And you're not allowed to make fun of my music collection because most of it wasn't actually picked out by me,"

"Now that you've said that I feel obligated to make fun of it,"

"Oh... you," Ava shook her head, even as she retrained her laughter. She held out her hands for Sara, "Just, come on,"

* * *

I hope you enjoyed reading.

Nardragon~ until the next page.


End file.
